I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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