I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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