Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
