I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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