The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
