just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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