somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Acid is not a monday night drug
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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