yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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