You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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