I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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