I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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