Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
