it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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