you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
