Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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