I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
