ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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