Plan B is the new Plan A
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
