They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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