im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
