i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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