i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
