just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Randomize
