dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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