Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize