if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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