Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
