people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize