There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
