I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
sarcasm needs its own font
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
