I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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