I don't usually arrange sex via text message
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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