Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
