The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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