Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
