Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
