I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you traded sex for a burrito?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
