I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
did you just send me my own nude
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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