Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
two words...techno handjob
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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