based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
