The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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