Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
