Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
