So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
