Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
