her vagine was all disorganized.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
