Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize