i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I can't put those talents on a resume
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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