smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize