If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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