TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
