She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
