Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
