You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
