I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
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