No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
