I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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