Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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