I wanna bring you to show and tell
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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