she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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