Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
