Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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