There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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