I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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