she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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