i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
this just has baby written all over it
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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