I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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