Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
