Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
