I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
